Spiritual Refocusing...

Just a short thought tonight...b/c I needed a bit of a reminder to stay focused...I practice New Kadampa Buddhism and lately I haven't been able to get to my meditations as often as I should. I've been trying to read a book for the past 6 months or so but I tend to re-read sections and never get finished w/ it! So tonight I spent some time reading notes from the past few years' classes, just to get a quick refresher.
I go to classes and read books to learn more. But, in all honesty, I never seem to learn anything new! The spiritual practice of meditating and finding inner peace is so basic and should be simplistic. But of course, if it truly was simplistic then we'd all find inner peace, all live in harmony caring about one another, and all be patient and kind to everyone we meet. World peace would be a reality we could all enjoy!
Alas, this is not the case. Instead, we are filled with delusions that cause us to stray from our inner peace and compassion and cause us to see things through our emotional filters. Every note I turned to in my trusty notebook reminded me to take time to meditate and refocus on compassion for others. The notes reminded me to cherish others, removing self-cherishing from my life. I was reminded of the difference between love and attachment (this one is a big struggle for me!). I re-discovered practicing patience. It is amazing how I can read books, I can sit in classes, yet I forget the basics of Buddhism in an instant!

Meditation is amazing. It truly does refocus my mind on cherishing others, learning to let things and people go that I've become attached to, and helps me find that much-needed and enjoyed inner peace. 

Everything I do, I do it for...me

Something interesting was stated on HBO's "The Leftovers" this past week. Matt is a preacher who comes in contact with another man who refers to himself as "God". In the course of a conversation between the two of them, Matt says everything he's done has been for Him. God's response is intriguing...thought-provoking...phenomenal. He states:
"Everything you've done you've done b/c you thought I was watching. B/c you thought I was judging. I wasn't. I'm not.You haven't done anything for me. You did it for yourself."

Wow.

So I'm sitting here trying to figure out what I want to say about this. I couldn't let such a statement go without commenting on it b/c it's so powerful and true! Let's dissect it...
People who believe in God believe that He's always watching them. He will immediately see if a child gets in trouble in school; He will see if a woman lies to a friend; He will see if a man cheats on a test; He will see everything people do, whether it's good or bad!
People who believe in God believe that they will be judged upon their death. This judgement will send them to Heaven or Hell. For every bad thing someone does, God will make a mark. For every good thing someone does, God will make a mark. Upon death these marks add up and determine the person's fate.
With this in mind, you can see how every action then is a direct result of someone doing something for THEMSELVES. No one wants to go to Hell. Who would want that?

Other spiritual practices have similar judgements with similar outcomes, though not necessarily from a god. For example, Buddhists believe that our karma determines our next lives. We work to build merit so as to eliminate negative karma from our past and help build positive karma in the present. More positive karma leads to a greater likelihood of a higher rebirth. Who wouldn't want that? (And yes, that's the simplified version!)

So it really comes down to a fear of the unknown and protection for ourselves from that unknown. Everything we do...we do for ourselves...

The Stomach Pit

You know that feeling you get in the pit of your stomach when you're nervous? The same feeling when you know you've forgotten something really important? Or you suddenly realize you fucked up so badly there's no turning back? Or when you lose someone who is so important in your life?

It's like a giant gaping wound that someone is stirring incessantly...no matter how hard you try to close the hole it won't stop bleeding. No matter how many times you tell yourself, "everything will be fine!" or "I'm sure no one will notice!" that pit remains. Stirring...churning...

Just when you think it's starting to subside, something else stirs it up. Maybe it's not even anything related to you! Maybe it's a news headline about racism or death or natural disasters. But b/c the pit was already opened in your stomach, these ideas rip it wide open again.

There is so much in this world that is beautiful and positive. There are so many things that should fill our stomachs and hearts with love and peace. Yet one little thing can effect our stomach so fully...tear it open and pour salt on the wound...what is it about the human mind that allows this to happen? Why do we find it so difficult to allow the happy and joyous stories in life to seal our stomach pits, calm our nerves, and fill us with peace? As easy as it is to hold onto the pain, it should be as easy to let it go and replace it with happiness.
But it isn't...
It just isn't...

Marriage...ages of merriment?

Marriage - an institution that binds together two people. They pledge to be together until one of them dies. They grow - apart or together. They learn more about each other with each passing year. Some of this is good and some is annoying. There are a variety of sayings that go along w/ marriage but my least favorite is, "Marriage takes work". This is where I get stuck. Why? Why should it take work to love someone? Isn't that stupid? Isn't that contradictory? That's exactly why I don't do Valentine's Day. I don't need a day to tell me I love someone! If I love them, they know it b/c I tell them!

Sorry, I digress...the point of this blog is to sort out my thoughts. I've now been married for 18 years. In that time we've loved and laughed, we've argued and cried, we've been indifferent and boring. We've worked at this marriage. I've given up on this marriage at least a hundred times. And yet here we are - locked into this institution...and I'm back where I started. I don't regret being married. I've gotten the most wonderful daughter out of it! And I'm not saying there haven't been any good years b/c there have been fabulous vacations, loving support in times of stress, and years that just flew by b/c all was well. But perhaps we've grown apart while being bound together. We've always been respectful of each other and allowed each other freedoms to live. I know that even if we weren't married we'd still be a part of each other's lives. So why do we feel blah? Why do I feel that marriage isn't ages and ages of merriment? Why do I feel it's forced togetherness w/ no lasting ties other than that piece of paper?

18 years is a long time. When people first get married they have this sense that a long marriage is a success. They strive to be like the grandparents who were married 50 years! They will be the couple that lasts! For some people this is a success.
Being able to stay with one person for a very long time is some kind of achievement.
For other people, being able to stay with one person is comforting. They know what they have and don't really want to know what else might be out there.
For other people, staying in a marriage is the best thing for the kids.
For other people they truly are soulmates and they can work through anything, keep up the excitement and fun, and rekindle love at will.

I'm coming to the end of these rambling thoughts and thinking I should have done a history of marriage. I'm sure there were societal reasons why it began...perhaps I'll look that up and add a second blog to this series! Stay tuned!
In the meantime, I've come to no conclusion but hopefully I've gotten you thinking. Evaluate your ages of merriment - do you believe they represent a success or are you bound to another person for ages and ages b/c you are living in an institution? I don't believe I've made my decision yet...

LOVE

Love.
This theme keeps creeping up.
On TV - specifically The Voice lately
In music - how many songs are written about love?
My family - Emer
The thing is, I'm not really a lovey dovey kind of person but things have changed a bit in the past 8 years. For those of you have kids, I'm sure you know what I mean. The nearly instant love that appears when you have a kid and only grows as that kid grows is amazing. For those of you without kids, just remember when you were a kid and how crazy you were. But your parent still loved you the same. You may not understand it but it gives you an idea of the kind of unconditional, total, and full love that comes from being a parent.

Enough of that. This blog is inspired by The Voice. I've never watched it until this season and I have to say, the family support is amazing. I love seeing parents, brothers, sisters, friends all cheering from the side lines. Their support is fantastic! But, even more than that, I see more love in the children who are supporting their parents. They are children, yet they demonstrate unconditional love towards their parents. What a beautiful thing!

There's also love between the coaches and participants. As many people know, I have a girl crush on Miley Cyrus. It's only growing stronger as I watch her tear up and cry when her contestants are eliminated. She truly cares about the people on her team and wants the best for them. In fact, she really wants everyone to be happy and free and living their dreams. It's a beautiful thing to see a celebrity not only talking about people being loved, but showing and cultivating that love.

The end game in  life is to find happiness, peace, and love. The best way to find this is to give it. So let's all look around and find how we can spread love to those around us!

<3  <3  <3
In peace, love, and kindness...<3

Indianapathy

A long time ago, in a land across the ocean, many people couldn't help make decisions for their countries and consequently themselves. So they sailed the ocean blue and came to America! Not so long ago women protested and fought for the right to vote alongside men. And even a few years ago minorities had to fight for their rights.
Today every American with the proper ID can register to vote and cast their vote without any problems. BUT.. WE. DON'T.
***
Interesting. I believe I started this blog last May or perhaps Nov. It was the first election I decided not to vote in (however I changed my mind and ended up voting!) But why would I have decided not to vote first? Well for the same reason I've decided to vote by writing in my selections on the next big election - there are not very many (any?) qualified candidates.

I believe this is the reason for the recent voter apathy. Indiana is one of the worst states for voter turnout and consequently we end up with narrow-minded people trying to belittle their political opponents rather than improve the state of Indiana. While watching the news (which I rarely do!) I just saw there is a new woman who has decided to run against Glenda Ritz for State Superintendent of Education. Her big statement is that she is going to focus on improving the quality of education rather the political arguments that ensue. Does she really think Glenda is in her position because she enjoys arguing politics? Does she really think she's not going to face opposition from people in the opposing party simply b/c she represents the opposite party? Does she really think she can improve parenting (which as we all know is a HUGE component in educational success)? Good for this woman for putting herself out there and challenging the current political and social state of education. But please don't use a platform of idealogical dreams to win an election b/c you will be facing the same obstacles Glenda currently does.

Reading through this may seem negative, and that's not the intention. The intention is to get people thinking about better candidates. This article is trying to shed light on the fact that Indianapathy is a problem related to the candidates rather than the voters. But it's also a call-out to voters. Don't stop voting - just write in the person you feel would do best. What if we all wrote in our candidates? Voter turnout could be phenomenal and the results would surprise the nation! Imagine this:
"90% of registered voters in Indiana turned out to vote today. The winners all won with less than 10% of the votes. 90% of the votes were split among 430+ different candidates. Where did these candidates come from? The voters, of course!"
After just 3-4 votes, don't you think the politicians would get the hint that we don't want them but rather we want actual people who want to make a difference in the state? I believe the message would be clear - we want politicians that represent the PEOPLE. So, c'mon, voters, turn out in droves and write in the best person for each job!

A Decision with a Goal

As you all may know I've been floating happily along in life, changing careers, changing goals, loving my daughter, and generally working to keep the house and family running smoothly. Being CEO of a family was never my intention, but who among us is really living their initial goals, anyway?
Lately I've been getting restless again and looking for the next big thing. Well, guess what? I found it! And no, it's not another career, haha! I love being a personal trainer and I love teaching group exercise. But I want to make more money and I want to work at one location. I love the MCC and I really enjoy most people at the Y. But driving to two different locations and not really making any real money is wearing on me. So, here is my decision:

---> I'm going to start looking for a part-time job. My expectations are high. I want to continue to train people, individually and, if possible, in group settings. I want to work between 9:30-3:00. I'd love 4 days a week but I'll do 5 if needed. I want to make between $25,000-35,000. I wouldn't mind a supervisory position. I do have experience and plenty of education to back it up!
I'm pretty open to the population I work with. However, I would prefer either a high school as a Strength & Conditioning Coach/Teacher, or a business where I could work with the company's health insurance (or perhaps a company that has a health initiative) and train the employees during their work day. There are a few businesses that employee personal trainers and have gyms available to employees to use during the work day. Finding those companies in Indianapolis has proven to be a challenge, though!
---> Once I find this perfect position, I am going to buy a Jeep! This is my second goal. I want a fun vehicle for my next car and since cars with suicide doors are no longer made, I'll be looking for an awesome Jeep to drive around!

My timeline to meet these goals is one year from August. 
---> August 2016 I will either be beginning or settling into a new job and driving a sweet new Jeep around town! Big decisions; BIG goals!  :)