You know that feeling you get in the pit of your stomach when you're nervous? The same feeling when you know you've forgotten something really important? Or you suddenly realize you fucked up so badly there's no turning back? Or when you lose someone who is so important in your life?
It's like a giant gaping wound that someone is stirring incessantly...no matter how hard you try to close the hole it won't stop bleeding. No matter how many times you tell yourself, "everything will be fine!" or "I'm sure no one will notice!" that pit remains. Stirring...churning...
Just when you think it's starting to subside, something else stirs it up. Maybe it's not even anything related to you! Maybe it's a news headline about racism or death or natural disasters. But b/c the pit was already opened in your stomach, these ideas rip it wide open again.
There is so much in this world that is beautiful and positive. There are so many things that should fill our stomachs and hearts with love and peace. Yet one little thing can effect our stomach so fully...tear it open and pour salt on the wound...what is it about the human mind that allows this to happen? Why do we find it so difficult to allow the happy and joyous stories in life to seal our stomach pits, calm our nerves, and fill us with peace? As easy as it is to hold onto the pain, it should be as easy to let it go and replace it with happiness.
But it isn't...
It just isn't...
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