Thursday, March 30, 2017
Marriage...ages of merriment?
Marriage - an institution that binds together two people. They pledge to be together until one of them dies. They grow - apart or together. They learn more about each other with each passing year. Some of this is good and some is annoying. There are a variety of sayings that go along w/ marriage but my least favorite is, "Marriage takes work". This is where I get stuck. Why? Why should it take work to love someone? Isn't that stupid? Isn't that contradictory? That's exactly why I don't do Valentine's Day. I don't need a day to tell me I love someone! If I love them, they know it b/c I tell them!
Sorry, I digress...the point of this blog is to sort out my thoughts. I've now been married for 18 years. In that time we've loved and laughed, we've argued and cried, we've been indifferent and boring. We've worked at this marriage. I've given up on this marriage at least a hundred times. And yet here we are - locked into this institution...and I'm back where I started. I don't regret being married. I've gotten the most wonderful daughter out of it! And I'm not saying there haven't been any good years b/c there have been fabulous vacations, loving support in times of stress, and years that just flew by b/c all was well. But perhaps we've grown apart while being bound together. We've always been respectful of each other and allowed each other freedoms to live. I know that even if we weren't married we'd still be a part of each other's lives. So why do we feel blah? Why do I feel that marriage isn't ages and ages of merriment? Why do I feel it's forced togetherness w/ no lasting ties other than that piece of paper?
18 years is a long time. When people first get married they have this sense that a long marriage is a success. They strive to be like the grandparents who were married 50 years! They will be the couple that lasts! For some people this is a success.
Being able to stay with one person for a very long time is some kind of achievement.
For other people, being able to stay with one person is comforting. They know what they have and don't really want to know what else might be out there.
For other people, staying in a marriage is the best thing for the kids.
For other people they truly are soulmates and they can work through anything, keep up the excitement and fun, and rekindle love at will.
I'm coming to the end of these rambling thoughts and thinking I should have done a history of marriage. I'm sure there were societal reasons why it began...perhaps I'll look that up and add a second blog to this series! Stay tuned!
In the meantime, I've come to no conclusion but hopefully I've gotten you thinking. Evaluate your ages of merriment - do you believe they represent a success or are you bound to another person for ages and ages b/c you are living in an institution? I don't believe I've made my decision yet...
Saturday, December 3, 2016
LOVE
Love.
This theme keeps creeping up.
On TV - specifically The Voice lately
In music - how many songs are written about love?
My family - Emer
The thing is, I'm not really a lovey dovey kind of person but things have changed a bit in the past 8 years. For those of you have kids, I'm sure you know what I mean. The nearly instant love that appears when you have a kid and only grows as that kid grows is amazing. For those of you without kids, just remember when you were a kid and how crazy you were. But your parent still loved you the same. You may not understand it but it gives you an idea of the kind of unconditional, total, and full love that comes from being a parent.
Enough of that. This blog is inspired by The Voice. I've never watched it until this season and I have to say, the family support is amazing. I love seeing parents, brothers, sisters, friends all cheering from the side lines. Their support is fantastic! But, even more than that, I see more love in the children who are supporting their parents. They are children, yet they demonstrate unconditional love towards their parents. What a beautiful thing!
There's also love between the coaches and participants. As many people know, I have a girl crush on Miley Cyrus. It's only growing stronger as I watch her tear up and cry when her contestants are eliminated. She truly cares about the people on her team and wants the best for them. In fact, she really wants everyone to be happy and free and living their dreams. It's a beautiful thing to see a celebrity not only talking about people being loved, but showing and cultivating that love.
The end game in life is to find happiness, peace, and love. The best way to find this is to give it. So let's all look around and find how we can spread love to those around us!
<3 <3 <3
In peace, love, and kindness...<3
This theme keeps creeping up.
On TV - specifically The Voice lately
In music - how many songs are written about love?
My family - Emer
The thing is, I'm not really a lovey dovey kind of person but things have changed a bit in the past 8 years. For those of you have kids, I'm sure you know what I mean. The nearly instant love that appears when you have a kid and only grows as that kid grows is amazing. For those of you without kids, just remember when you were a kid and how crazy you were. But your parent still loved you the same. You may not understand it but it gives you an idea of the kind of unconditional, total, and full love that comes from being a parent.
Enough of that. This blog is inspired by The Voice. I've never watched it until this season and I have to say, the family support is amazing. I love seeing parents, brothers, sisters, friends all cheering from the side lines. Their support is fantastic! But, even more than that, I see more love in the children who are supporting their parents. They are children, yet they demonstrate unconditional love towards their parents. What a beautiful thing!
There's also love between the coaches and participants. As many people know, I have a girl crush on Miley Cyrus. It's only growing stronger as I watch her tear up and cry when her contestants are eliminated. She truly cares about the people on her team and wants the best for them. In fact, she really wants everyone to be happy and free and living their dreams. It's a beautiful thing to see a celebrity not only talking about people being loved, but showing and cultivating that love.
The end game in life is to find happiness, peace, and love. The best way to find this is to give it. So let's all look around and find how we can spread love to those around us!
<3 <3 <3
In peace, love, and kindness...<3
Thursday, January 28, 2016
Indianapathy
A long time ago, in a land across the ocean, many people couldn't help make decisions for their countries and consequently themselves. So they sailed the ocean blue and came to America! Not so long ago women protested and fought for the right to vote alongside men. And even a few years ago minorities had to fight for their rights.
Today every American with the proper ID can register to vote and cast their vote without any problems. BUT.. WE. DON'T.
***
Interesting. I believe I started this blog last May or perhaps Nov. It was the first election I decided not to vote in (however I changed my mind and ended up voting!) But why would I have decided not to vote first? Well for the same reason I've decided to vote by writing in my selections on the next big election - there are not very many (any?) qualified candidates.
I believe this is the reason for the recent voter apathy. Indiana is one of the worst states for voter turnout and consequently we end up with narrow-minded people trying to belittle their political opponents rather than improve the state of Indiana. While watching the news (which I rarely do!) I just saw there is a new woman who has decided to run against Glenda Ritz for State Superintendent of Education. Her big statement is that she is going to focus on improving the quality of education rather the political arguments that ensue. Does she really think Glenda is in her position because she enjoys arguing politics? Does she really think she's not going to face opposition from people in the opposing party simply b/c she represents the opposite party? Does she really think she can improve parenting (which as we all know is a HUGE component in educational success)? Good for this woman for putting herself out there and challenging the current political and social state of education. But please don't use a platform of idealogical dreams to win an election b/c you will be facing the same obstacles Glenda currently does.
Reading through this may seem negative, and that's not the intention. The intention is to get people thinking about better candidates. This article is trying to shed light on the fact that Indianapathy is a problem related to the candidates rather than the voters. But it's also a call-out to voters. Don't stop voting - just write in the person you feel would do best. What if we all wrote in our candidates? Voter turnout could be phenomenal and the results would surprise the nation! Imagine this:
"90% of registered voters in Indiana turned out to vote today. The winners all won with less than 10% of the votes. 90% of the votes were split among 430+ different candidates. Where did these candidates come from? The voters, of course!"
After just 3-4 votes, don't you think the politicians would get the hint that we don't want them but rather we want actual people who want to make a difference in the state? I believe the message would be clear - we want politicians that represent the PEOPLE. So, c'mon, voters, turn out in droves and write in the best person for each job!
Today every American with the proper ID can register to vote and cast their vote without any problems. BUT.. WE. DON'T.
***
Interesting. I believe I started this blog last May or perhaps Nov. It was the first election I decided not to vote in (however I changed my mind and ended up voting!) But why would I have decided not to vote first? Well for the same reason I've decided to vote by writing in my selections on the next big election - there are not very many (any?) qualified candidates.
I believe this is the reason for the recent voter apathy. Indiana is one of the worst states for voter turnout and consequently we end up with narrow-minded people trying to belittle their political opponents rather than improve the state of Indiana. While watching the news (which I rarely do!) I just saw there is a new woman who has decided to run against Glenda Ritz for State Superintendent of Education. Her big statement is that she is going to focus on improving the quality of education rather the political arguments that ensue. Does she really think Glenda is in her position because she enjoys arguing politics? Does she really think she's not going to face opposition from people in the opposing party simply b/c she represents the opposite party? Does she really think she can improve parenting (which as we all know is a HUGE component in educational success)? Good for this woman for putting herself out there and challenging the current political and social state of education. But please don't use a platform of idealogical dreams to win an election b/c you will be facing the same obstacles Glenda currently does.
Reading through this may seem negative, and that's not the intention. The intention is to get people thinking about better candidates. This article is trying to shed light on the fact that Indianapathy is a problem related to the candidates rather than the voters. But it's also a call-out to voters. Don't stop voting - just write in the person you feel would do best. What if we all wrote in our candidates? Voter turnout could be phenomenal and the results would surprise the nation! Imagine this:
"90% of registered voters in Indiana turned out to vote today. The winners all won with less than 10% of the votes. 90% of the votes were split among 430+ different candidates. Where did these candidates come from? The voters, of course!"
After just 3-4 votes, don't you think the politicians would get the hint that we don't want them but rather we want actual people who want to make a difference in the state? I believe the message would be clear - we want politicians that represent the PEOPLE. So, c'mon, voters, turn out in droves and write in the best person for each job!
Tuesday, September 1, 2015
A Decision with a Goal
As you all may know I've been floating happily along in life, changing careers, changing goals, loving my daughter, and generally working to keep the house and family running smoothly. Being CEO of a family was never my intention, but who among us is really living their initial goals, anyway?
Lately I've been getting restless again and looking for the next big thing. Well, guess what? I found it! And no, it's not another career, haha! I love being a personal trainer and I love teaching group exercise. But I want to make more money and I want to work at one location. I love the MCC and I really enjoy most people at the Y. But driving to two different locations and not really making any real money is wearing on me. So, here is my decision:
---> I'm going to start looking for a part-time job. My expectations are high. I want to continue to train people, individually and, if possible, in group settings. I want to work between 9:30-3:00. I'd love 4 days a week but I'll do 5 if needed. I want to make between $25,000-35,000. I wouldn't mind a supervisory position. I do have experience and plenty of education to back it up!
I'm pretty open to the population I work with. However, I would prefer either a high school as a Strength & Conditioning Coach/Teacher, or a business where I could work with the company's health insurance (or perhaps a company that has a health initiative) and train the employees during their work day. There are a few businesses that employee personal trainers and have gyms available to employees to use during the work day. Finding those companies in Indianapolis has proven to be a challenge, though!
---> Once I find this perfect position, I am going to buy a Jeep! This is my second goal. I want a fun vehicle for my next car and since cars with suicide doors are no longer made, I'll be looking for an awesome Jeep to drive around!
My timeline to meet these goals is one year from August.
---> August 2016 I will either be beginning or settling into a new job and driving a sweet new Jeep around town! Big decisions; BIG goals! :)
Lately I've been getting restless again and looking for the next big thing. Well, guess what? I found it! And no, it's not another career, haha! I love being a personal trainer and I love teaching group exercise. But I want to make more money and I want to work at one location. I love the MCC and I really enjoy most people at the Y. But driving to two different locations and not really making any real money is wearing on me. So, here is my decision:
---> I'm going to start looking for a part-time job. My expectations are high. I want to continue to train people, individually and, if possible, in group settings. I want to work between 9:30-3:00. I'd love 4 days a week but I'll do 5 if needed. I want to make between $25,000-35,000. I wouldn't mind a supervisory position. I do have experience and plenty of education to back it up!
I'm pretty open to the population I work with. However, I would prefer either a high school as a Strength & Conditioning Coach/Teacher, or a business where I could work with the company's health insurance (or perhaps a company that has a health initiative) and train the employees during their work day. There are a few businesses that employee personal trainers and have gyms available to employees to use during the work day. Finding those companies in Indianapolis has proven to be a challenge, though!
---> Once I find this perfect position, I am going to buy a Jeep! This is my second goal. I want a fun vehicle for my next car and since cars with suicide doors are no longer made, I'll be looking for an awesome Jeep to drive around!
My timeline to meet these goals is one year from August.
---> August 2016 I will either be beginning or settling into a new job and driving a sweet new Jeep around town! Big decisions; BIG goals! :)
Saturday, June 13, 2015
World view or Local view?
An interesting discussion with my husband tonight opened my eyes to the ways we see things differently. Recently I have discovered I'm a bit of a hippy. He, on the other hand, calls himself a realist. I like to think of humans as a more evolved species; a group of animals capable of seeing and learning from each others' differences. I love to surround myself with people who are different to me. I don't know why other than I love learning about different cultures, I love being a part of something different; I just am fascinated with the things people do.
He looks at us as animals who are slowly losing our instincts and thus becoming less of a survivalist society. So slowly in fact that we are still more animal and less human when it comes to instincts.
He says I am not normal in my ability to hang out with a lot of different people. He says I am weird wanting to surround myself with people who are different to me. He says if we still needed our instincts to survive I would have been killed years ago.
I see where he's coming from and I understand the logic and facts behind it. But it makes me sad. I'm sad that as evolved of a species as we are we haven't learned to control these "fight" and "survival" instincts. I'm sad that wanting to be around different people and learn from them is so rare. I'm sad when I think of the fact that he's basically right. Look at war - there are groups in the middle east who want to kill us in the west b/c we look different and are incredibly different to them. It's territorial. Isn't that what dogs base everything on? Their territory? By the way, this is my "world view of his ideas".
He looks at this issue through a "local lens". Even in the great USA people are territorial. Our daughter might get hurt simply b/c she is a minority in her current school. At least that's his thoughts. And because I see this happening all over the world, I can't argue this fear with him. I can verbalize my thoughts (see above about wishing we were more evolved) and share that she tends to view the world the way I do - learn from those who are different. Soak in their knowledge, experience, and wisdom! I can hope that she loves to learn from all people and can adapt easily to other cultures. And I very much want to believe that people will get along and instead of avoid people who are different to us we will embrace them and learn from them.
But will that happen? Or will racism continue to exist?
I guess only time will tell...
He looks at us as animals who are slowly losing our instincts and thus becoming less of a survivalist society. So slowly in fact that we are still more animal and less human when it comes to instincts.
He says I am not normal in my ability to hang out with a lot of different people. He says I am weird wanting to surround myself with people who are different to me. He says if we still needed our instincts to survive I would have been killed years ago.
I see where he's coming from and I understand the logic and facts behind it. But it makes me sad. I'm sad that as evolved of a species as we are we haven't learned to control these "fight" and "survival" instincts. I'm sad that wanting to be around different people and learn from them is so rare. I'm sad when I think of the fact that he's basically right. Look at war - there are groups in the middle east who want to kill us in the west b/c we look different and are incredibly different to them. It's territorial. Isn't that what dogs base everything on? Their territory? By the way, this is my "world view of his ideas".
He looks at this issue through a "local lens". Even in the great USA people are territorial. Our daughter might get hurt simply b/c she is a minority in her current school. At least that's his thoughts. And because I see this happening all over the world, I can't argue this fear with him. I can verbalize my thoughts (see above about wishing we were more evolved) and share that she tends to view the world the way I do - learn from those who are different. Soak in their knowledge, experience, and wisdom! I can hope that she loves to learn from all people and can adapt easily to other cultures. And I very much want to believe that people will get along and instead of avoid people who are different to us we will embrace them and learn from them.
But will that happen? Or will racism continue to exist?
I guess only time will tell...
Thursday, January 29, 2015
I Get It!
I get it!
I have found it!
Life! Everywhere we are bombarded by images of people saying find your passion...people saying be an inspiration...people pushing others to do their best...people making life seem like it should be about the next best thing and if you aren't reaching then you aren't growing and you aren't achieving.
So, I've been reaching...I was professionally growing for a long time. Misguided, yes. We all know that. Oh we ALL know that.
And all my blogs and all my thoughts and all my discussions with colleagues and students about colleges and careers and how to get ahead...how to find your talents and make it work for you...
And all my new directions to find those talents and seek out where I really wanted to be achieving so I could continue to grow and reach and gain...
It was all just...SHIT.
It just hit me. In this video I just watched (yes, ANOTHER inspirational video on fb, haha) yet another passionate speaker raised his voice about making a difference and seeking out your passion and doing what keeps you going in order keep you and your spirit alive. Yep, same old thing. How many times can people say the same old thing before it makes any sense? Hundreds, apparently! But here's what I heard today:
At one point he said something about people going to work at jobs that are making them sick. And it showed an unhappy person sitting on a bus going into work. That vision and that wording combined with my frame of mind right now all fit perfectly together to create the meaning behind it all:
ENJOYMENT/LOVE
But this doesn't mean you have to LOVE your career! It also doesn't mean you can only enjoy ONE thing! You just have to find what you enjoy and love, recognize it, and feed it! Then you will have the secret to a happy life!
Maybe for you that's teaching others and you happen to be an excellent teacher. Tada! Your career and your life are one and the same!
Maybe for you adventure is something you enjoy but you're really good at working with people. So make a career out of helping people to help pay for your adventures. Tada! Career and life working together!
Omg, why don't people ever explain life this way? Seriously. I have always felt like it should be one big fucking thing. Like if you aren't doing everything to reach one singular big life goal then you are failing. There is no one big goal, idiots. There is only ENJOYMENT and LOVE.
Now go. Stop reading my blog. Support yourself. Find your life. Enjoy and love!
I have found it!
Life! Everywhere we are bombarded by images of people saying find your passion...people saying be an inspiration...people pushing others to do their best...people making life seem like it should be about the next best thing and if you aren't reaching then you aren't growing and you aren't achieving.
So, I've been reaching...I was professionally growing for a long time. Misguided, yes. We all know that. Oh we ALL know that.
And all my blogs and all my thoughts and all my discussions with colleagues and students about colleges and careers and how to get ahead...how to find your talents and make it work for you...
And all my new directions to find those talents and seek out where I really wanted to be achieving so I could continue to grow and reach and gain...
It was all just...SHIT.
It just hit me. In this video I just watched (yes, ANOTHER inspirational video on fb, haha) yet another passionate speaker raised his voice about making a difference and seeking out your passion and doing what keeps you going in order keep you and your spirit alive. Yep, same old thing. How many times can people say the same old thing before it makes any sense? Hundreds, apparently! But here's what I heard today:
At one point he said something about people going to work at jobs that are making them sick. And it showed an unhappy person sitting on a bus going into work. That vision and that wording combined with my frame of mind right now all fit perfectly together to create the meaning behind it all:
ENJOYMENT/LOVE
But this doesn't mean you have to LOVE your career! It also doesn't mean you can only enjoy ONE thing! You just have to find what you enjoy and love, recognize it, and feed it! Then you will have the secret to a happy life!
Maybe for you that's teaching others and you happen to be an excellent teacher. Tada! Your career and your life are one and the same!
Maybe for you adventure is something you enjoy but you're really good at working with people. So make a career out of helping people to help pay for your adventures. Tada! Career and life working together!
Omg, why don't people ever explain life this way? Seriously. I have always felt like it should be one big fucking thing. Like if you aren't doing everything to reach one singular big life goal then you are failing. There is no one big goal, idiots. There is only ENJOYMENT and LOVE.
Now go. Stop reading my blog. Support yourself. Find your life. Enjoy and love!
Saturday, January 17, 2015
Getting serious...
Last week I read one of the most heartbreaking articles in People magazine I've ever read. It was about a teen who committed suicide b/c she didn't feel loved and understood by her parents. Her situation was a lot more than the usual teenagers who demonstrate disgust with their parents, who argue over curfews and fairness, and who generally will grow to understand their parents. Her situation was of parents using their religious beliefs to discredit their child's feelings. It was a situation of parents, possibly misguided, but definitely close-minded, who drove their child to feel alone and helpless. It was a situation I really can't understand at all.
The child in the article was transgender. When she told her parents about her feelings and her discomfort with himself, they sent her to Christian counselors who tried to "fix" her.
Here's where my lack of understanding comes in: I look at transgender people the same as I look at gay people and heterosexual people. Here is my view on it all: we are all people. Human beings. Homo sapiens. No matter the situation, we are all the same.
We all like different things.
We all have different tastes.
We all feel differently.
We all breathe the same air.
We all walk the same earth.
We are all judgmental.
Yes, we are judgmental. That's a part of human nature and something that, despite the fact we know it's wrong, is still so enjoyable to do! Who doesn't love a good gossip session about who's making out with whom, who's dating whom, etc? We all enjoy hearing about other's and comparing them to ourselves! And I think we all try to hide some of our judgments from others, b/c we know it's not kind or appropriate.
But, when you're judging your own child...I can't understand that. Aren't parents supposed to raise their children to be good citizens? Isn't Christianity about loving your neighbor as yourself and caring for everyone? How is telling your child their feelings about their body is wrong an OK thing to do? How is isolating your child from others "helping" the child (the article stated that after sharing her feelings with her parents, this teen was unable to socialize with friends outside of school)? How is it the Christian thing to do to not accept your child and love him/her for what (s)he is?
There is a wave of dislike and hate moving through the world today. It's disheartening to think we've come so far from the days of Woodstock and free love and yet we haven't moved any closer to a loving world. Racial tension is soaring again. Religious wars are still being fought. Teens are taking their own lives out of sadness and isolation.
What is it going to take for this to change???
I, for one, will continue to accept people as they are. I am teaching my daughter to be kind to everyone regardless of their color, religion, partner, wealth, etc. My husband is an incredibly accepting person as well. But we are one family. Of 3 people. We'll do what we can. Will you?
The child in the article was transgender. When she told her parents about her feelings and her discomfort with himself, they sent her to Christian counselors who tried to "fix" her.
Here's where my lack of understanding comes in: I look at transgender people the same as I look at gay people and heterosexual people. Here is my view on it all: we are all people. Human beings. Homo sapiens. No matter the situation, we are all the same.
We all like different things.
We all have different tastes.
We all feel differently.
We all breathe the same air.
We all walk the same earth.
We are all judgmental.
Yes, we are judgmental. That's a part of human nature and something that, despite the fact we know it's wrong, is still so enjoyable to do! Who doesn't love a good gossip session about who's making out with whom, who's dating whom, etc? We all enjoy hearing about other's and comparing them to ourselves! And I think we all try to hide some of our judgments from others, b/c we know it's not kind or appropriate.
But, when you're judging your own child...I can't understand that. Aren't parents supposed to raise their children to be good citizens? Isn't Christianity about loving your neighbor as yourself and caring for everyone? How is telling your child their feelings about their body is wrong an OK thing to do? How is isolating your child from others "helping" the child (the article stated that after sharing her feelings with her parents, this teen was unable to socialize with friends outside of school)? How is it the Christian thing to do to not accept your child and love him/her for what (s)he is?
There is a wave of dislike and hate moving through the world today. It's disheartening to think we've come so far from the days of Woodstock and free love and yet we haven't moved any closer to a loving world. Racial tension is soaring again. Religious wars are still being fought. Teens are taking their own lives out of sadness and isolation.
What is it going to take for this to change???
I, for one, will continue to accept people as they are. I am teaching my daughter to be kind to everyone regardless of their color, religion, partner, wealth, etc. My husband is an incredibly accepting person as well. But we are one family. Of 3 people. We'll do what we can. Will you?
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