This World...This Country...Wow...

I am not writing a lot tonight and probably no one will read this b/c I'm not planning to share it. But here goes anyway!

This World...

Everyone complains about the USA but you know what? The rest of the world is just as fucked up. There are still wars going on we've forgotten about (remember Ukraine?? How do you think they're holding up over there being invaded by another country???) There is still poverty and dictators and natural disasters. We are not the only country struggling and our struggles are solvable if we choose.

This Country...

We are being taken over a dictator-wanna-be. People who voted for this orange-faced selfish bastard are getting exactly what they deserved. People who didn't vote for him are getting a few years of total shit. We will survive but we need to remember that. It's FOUR years, people. Even if Mr. Trump and Mr. Musk are still alive in 4 years, they can't run again...Wait, you mean Mr. Musk wasn't an elected official? He's not our vice president? I'm confused. Why are these 2 always photographed together? Why do they dominate the news headlines? Who is our vice president?

I actually do know who is vice president but only b/c I asked someone a week ago. Then he appeared in my news feed as he treated Mr. Zellenski like a child. How embarrassing to be an American right now. But it's only for 4 years. We will prevail.

Wow...

I cannot comprehend what is going on in some people's minds these days. How is it OK to pull someone over, yell at them for no given reason, drag them from their car, and take them to some holding facility??? I have so many questions about this and other things going on in the world. Where did human decency go? Where did respect for others go? Where did innocent until proven guilty go? Why do you think a fellow living being who isn't the same skin color as you or speak the same language as you or pray to the same imaginary being as you is not worthy of respect? Are they not also human? Do they not also have people they love and care for in their lives? Are they hurting you? Are they stealing from you? Please! What the actual fuck???? Treat humans like humans! 

One More Thing...

Why does anyone need more than a million dollars? What the fuck are you going to do with all that money? If it's not help others, then fucking go jump off a god damn bridge you selfish fuck. There is so much wasted money around the world. I just want someone to explain why they need more money than they can possibly live on in 2 lifetimes! I'll give you 2 life times in case you're trying to save money for your kids. But then shouldn't they also be saving for their kids? If each generation helped the others before and after us, money would be shared, resources would be shared, ALL people could live in a home without going hungry, with a solid education, and job choices for all. The hoarding has got to stop! The hatred has to end! It gets you NOWHERE. It help NO ONE. It doesn't even really help the people who are doing the hating! Don't you like things? Don't you smile ever at something that isn't someone else's demise? And if you don't WHY THE FUCK NOT? What is wrong wrong with your mind of compassion??

And honestly, what is wrong w/ me for thinking there should be equality in the world and compassion for living beings...We live in Samsara, I should spread my compassion and expect nothing from anyone else.

The End.

September 11th, 2023...

 Today is the anniversary of one of the worst days in American history for my generation. Today is the anniversary of the twin towers falling to terrorist-takeovers. Today is the day I hope everyone will remember, but for a variety of reasons. And today is the day I realized it saddens me that not every school talks about this day. And I still can't talk about it without tears.

I asked my daughter what they did at her school to remember this day in history. She said they did nothing. She said there was no talk about and she didn't even realize the day until the end of the school day when someone said the date. I know that the city of Indianapolis was having 3 different memorials downtown at 8:30, 9:30, and 10:30 am. I know that NYC was having a few different memorials and lighting ceremonies. I know that 90+ new names (I think) were being added to the memorial in NYC as people who had died since the attacks as a result of illnesses they acquired by helping to save people in the buildings. But my daughter's school did nothing. And I am saddened by that.

I saw a series on Hulu that was actually created in 2021 and I wasn't going to watch it. I'm not ready. But, I hit play on it anyway while I waited for my daughter to call me up to tuck her into bed. I saw less than 5 minutes of this show and was in tears. I CANNOT WATCH THIS YET. I am NOT READY.

I don't think I have PTSD. I'm not trying to get a diagnosis or sympathy or even an encouraging word by posting this. I'm just trying to remember and make sure others remember. Here's why I think 9/11 is important:

#1 - this was the first time in a VERY LONG TIME that America came together. Yes, unfortunately we bonded over hate, but we bonded. We came together as a country, ignoring Republican versus Democrat. Most (and I know it was not all) races came together to grieve or fight or both. We felt like a united front against the enemy. People supported one another in their loss, fear, or grieving and we felt connected. We felt like America should feel.

#2 - for a solid week I watched TV footage of the attacks and the aftermath, the searching and the helping. I cried, I hugged my cats, I called, texted, or emailed my family who lived in Pittsburgh, Charlotte, and NYC. I went to work, and did it all again the next night. I donated everything I had to give to the first responders in NYC. I tried to sign up for the military but was rejected due to medical reasons. I felt so passionately about helping our country restore it's strength and community that I was willing to do almost anything to help. This was how many people reacted and it should be acknowledged that we were grieving as a country, struggling to come back, fighting against hate, and working together. Damn, it was hard.

#3 - George W. did the best he could to fight against this. At the time, America was searching for something to make the world right again. And President Bush did what he believed would help us out. Not everyone agrees it was the right decision. Not everyone thinks he acted appropriately. No one can agree on what should have happened next but can we please agree that he did SOMETHING? He was grieving and reeling from the shock like everyone else and he stepped up to act. I applaud that and it should be remembered.

#4 - regardless of their political affiliation, regardless of their sex, gender, sexual preference, race, etc we lost AMERICANS. Hundreds of Americans who were at work, going to work, getting coffee, sitting in meetings, chatting over the water cooler, flying home to family or away from family to work, flying to a holiday, working the flights. We lost them b/c of  some stupid terrorist attack! Some idiots who thought we deserved to die! WTF?! No one deserves that!!! We should remember all these people who lost their lives that day through no fault of their own. WE SHOULD REMEMBER.

#5 - EVERY school should have some kind of  acknowledgement that this is an important day. We don't need a national holiday, but we do need a moment of silence or a discussion about the monuments in major cities around the country. We should remember the families who are missing members b/c of this day. We should remember that at the end of the day, we are all Americans and everyone grieved or responded in their own way. None of it is right or wrong. It's simply a reaction.

I don't know which year I'll be able to watch footage or talk about this without tears filling my eyes. I don't know if I'll ever be able to go to the Memorial in NYC. But I know I will never forget that day. And I will always remember everyone who lost their lives or their loved ones and hold them in my heart. I get very frustrated at this country, but I will always strive to love all Americans and all living beings...

Why More Isn't Always Better

 #runningsucksbutidoitanyway

You read that right. Running sucks. But sometimes it's really fun. And sometimes it clears my mind. But other times it just sucks. Until I'm done. And then my mindset determines if it was a good run or not. It's all a mindgame, like every other endurance sport.

But I digress, here's why More isn't always Better...

Back in Sept. I saw a challenge from Athletic Annex: 

100Days - 100 Miles!

Oh that's a challenge I can get behind! Last year I did the Dumpster Fire run challenge where we had to run 20 miles in 20 days for the Dumpster Fire that was the year 2020. No problem. In fact, one of my clients did it with me. There were a few days where we would skip but we'd make up for it the next day so after 20 days we both had run 20 miles. What's 5x this amount?? I can do it! So I signed up in the facebook group, set my calendar reminder, and Sept. 22nd started a 100 day running streak. Here's how it went:

Week 1 - I knew I had wanted to do at least a mile every day and probably only 3 days a week of something longer (2-4 miles). Sept. was still warm so I was able to run outside and feel good. I did do some longer runs with quite a few 2-2.5 mile runs and even a couple 4 miles in there! I was feeling pretty good.

The first 25 days - I definitely had some days that were dragging but for the most part I felt pretty good overall on my runs. I would have some slower days that I turned into intervals...I had a terrible treadmill day on a stormy afternoon...but I kept at it. I posted that we were 1/4 of the way through and felt really good about it!

Halfway there - my pace on a mile run had really gotten fast! Never in my life have I run a mile faster than 9 min. and I did an 8:46 one day!! So I would start feeling good about this and then remember that when I race it's always a minimum of 3 miles so I should focus on longer runs more often. These mostly felt terrible. Especially as the weather started to get colder and I had to layer up more or run inside. I stuck it out for much longer this year than ever before running outside, though, so I should be happy about that. And again, my short one mile pace was impressive for me!

Just over halfway until about day 90 - things really started to get tough. There was never a day I didn't want to run, but there were many days I went into it with the mindset of, "it's only a mile. 9-10 minutes and you're done. Just get it done." Nearly every time I pushed myself to layer, use the "hot feet" my mom got me, and run in a coat outside I would finish a mile under 9 minutes. Finally, with a few weeks left I finished a treadmill mile at 8:52. Yes, treadmills are super hard for me! I can't figure out why I can't go faster but it really took a toll on my mental ability to run longer or faster indoors.

But again, I was struggling with the idea that I needed more longer runs. Just being fast for a short time wasn't helping me in the long term. I was fine with one mile on days I would cycle but even some swim days left me feeling like I needed a longer run (not b/c my body felt like it needed more but b/c my mind was telling me Tri season would require more). Strength training days were flexible b/c if I knew I was going to do a lot of legs then I'd be fine with one mile. But if I had planned more of an upper body class I felt I should at least do 2 miles. It's all so ridiculous, and I KNOW this. But here's the catch

"I had set a goal to run every day for 100 days and I'll be damned if I don't finish it."

This was MORE than I had ever done before. But I have a friend who has run at least 30 minutes a day every day for nearly 800 days! What was 100?? It should be super easy. I mean, I know it's a lot, but I wanted to keep pushing myself to finish it out. I wanted to show that I could do more and I would be better for it.

The Last 10 Days - first of all I miscalculated and thought I had 10 days left when I really had 11.  I figured this out with 7 days left, thinking it was 6. And at this point I was about ready to call it. I had never dreaded running as much as I did each day of the last 10 days. The weather was horrible, wet, and cold so these were all indoor track or treadmill runs except for Christmas Eve and Christmas. Each run seemed to be slower than the last, no matter how short I decided to make it. Even my outdoor Christmas runs were above 9 minutes (Christmas Eve trail mile was just over 10!). My legs were killing me about 1/4 quarter mile into each run. I was trying to do much less strength training to save my legs for my daily run but it didn't seem to matter. My mom got a Peloton and I was so excited to run with the instructors but still found it incredibly difficult to not just keep running but to maintain the recommended pace. The discouragement I felt as my times started to get worse was so frustrating. I had clearly peaked somewhere around day 65 or 70 and by the last 15-20 runs I was just holding on. 

--> More was not better. It was making me worse: Making me a slower runner; making me feel old; making me wonder if I needed more to eat (or less b/c some days my stomach felt super full after just a snack!) I hated it. I don't like to rush time but I found myself saying, "only a few more days until Dec. is done!" I truly was not running for enjoyment anymore.

And here I now sit, writing this blog entry on January 1st, 2022. I can honestly say I did not miss running today! I completed a 100 day run streak and all I wanted to do today was swim. So I did! And my legs were tired but it felt good to be in the water. I am not planning any swim, cycling, run, or strength challenges. More is NOT always better and that's OK.

*** May I remember and carry this wisdom with me into the
new year!!  :)

Swim Update...and Other Stuff

I was just rereading some of my posts on this blog and back in Dec. I told the world my goal to knock off 2 minutes from my 500m open water swim. I am happy to report that as of Feb. I had knocked off 14 seconds from my 550y swim!

Then COVID19 closed my pools and it was too cold to swim outside for months.
I'm exactly back where I was last summer...Damnit and eff it all.

My favorite tri (Tri Indy) just opened up for registration and it's in 2.5 weeks. I know I will not finish under 1.5 hours so I'm debating if I want to do it at all. I did sign up for one in Aug. (the final Eagle Creek Series one) and for some reason I'm OK not beating that time. But Tri Indy - that will just crush me if I do badly. I don't know what the difference is other than it will be my 3rd time doing it and I feel like I should be better by this time. I have the best suit so transitions should be faster. My cycling is ever-so-slightly faster but that really depends on the day. My swim is exactly where it was last year so forget making any progress there...And just like last year, as I make progress on the bike I lose progress on the run to the point where I feel like I'm dying most runs and today I was so damn slow the 3rd mile was 10:59! WTF?!?! I've never been THAT slow!

I am not sure what is holding me back b/c last week I announced to the Atomic Betty world that my new goal this year, instead of beating time, was to just have a lot of fun. So why can't I feel like Tri Indy will be fun? I love swimming in the canal! The bike and run are mostly flat so easier than Eagle Creek. I really think it's just my damn mental game.

And this is literally one of the worst blog posts I've written. It's just all about me and my messed up mind when it comes to competition! So sorry...of course, since very few people actually read my blog, maybe I'm not sorry, haha!
If you've read this far, thank you! I hope you see that if you're struggling w/ your mental game, you are not alone. BTW, if you are mentally struggling with anything, please call your doctor or health care provider. And if you are contemplating suicide, please, please call 800-273-TALK(8255)

***********************************************************************************OH WOW, I can't believe I didn't publish this! I started it back in July (weirdly it says it was published July 9th but I don't think I actually published it...Anyway! here is the final word on how my Tri season went:

So back when I wrote this I was feeling defeated about Tri Indy. Since then I randomly decided to do a tri in June at Eagle Creek. Now I never do the June race b/c it's usually too cold but 2 things prompted me to give this one a try #1 - the weather had been in the high 80's and I LOVE warmer weather! and #2, I won a wetsuit last off-season and figured the water would be wetsuit legal (it usually is in June) and what a better way to try out a wetsuit in a race than a race I had never done before and didn't care about the results.

Here's where it gets fun! Morning of the race I am all packed with my gear including my wetsuit. I'm so excited to have a fun race and wear a wetsuit! I show up and find out the water temp is 80...um what?! That's 2 degrees warmer than wetsuit legal!! So now I have lost half the reason I'm doing this race, but so have a lot of Atomic Betties and I'm only training for more sprint tri's whereas they are training for Oly and Ironman distances.

OK this was going to be a quick blog update which has quickly turned long! I ended up getting 5th or 6th in that race. 

But the point of this blog is Tri Indy. So...I show up at Tri Indy having trained the previous week in 90+ degree temps. I was loving it and hoping my nerves didn't get the best of me during this race. The day before the weather just dropped in temp and I didn't know how that would effect the water temps. The canal is not deep or wide so I figured whatever the temp had been (76!) would have warmed up all week. So I didn't bring my wetsuit...And Murphy's Law holds true all the time. It was fucking wetsuit legal!!! But I hadn't  brought mine I guess I was going to freeze and my dream of Top 4  would not happen this year.

*** Since I clearly can't finish this blog (it's now Jan. 1st, 2022!) I'll cut to the chase - 

The water did NOT feel warm at all but I was not the only person wetsuit-less so that made me feel a bit better. Plus, I had brought clothing options for after the swim including longer socks if needed, pants if needed, and a long sleeve shirt. I figured I'd see how I felt after the swim, not worry about transition time, and just get it done! Here's how it ended:

CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?!?!?! I wanted a Top 5 and finished 3rd!!!!!!!!!!! I also beat my previous time and finished under an hour and a half! I won that sweet pint glass you see and a bottle opener, to boot! (And you can see I decided just to go with the long socks. This was a great decision b/c so many people called out to me during and after the race that it was extra motivating. I love the Tri community!)

So, I went on to do the Aug. Eagle Creek sprint tri and I finished 2nd in my age group! This lovely and tough lady beat me by about 10 minutes, which is pretty much the average for how much she's beat me in the past. I'm totally OK with that b/c that's a lot of time to take off!

And that was how my Tri season ended for 2021. I did get a bid for Nationals and chose not to go for a variety of reasons. But after these two amazing finishes, if I get a bid next year (and I should), I am going! :)

What. The. Fuck. Has. Happened. To. Our. Sanity?

This is not my style. But I'm doing it anyway. Here goes nothing!

What the g** d*** F*** is wrong with some people?!?! How can ANYONE support a leader who stands there and says he will not concede??? He says it’s theft. He is encouraging armed people to attack unarmed people (if you don’t know where this came from, it’s from the LIVE VIDEO I just watched on the BBC NEWS) by saying he wants to see what they are going to do. He continues to call everyone else liars. How many fucking liars are there, Mr. Trump?? Is everyone but you and your ignorant few liars? At some point you concede. At some point you say, majority rules and I was not in the majority. 

And if not, I cannot wait to see you ESCORTED off the premises bc you will be trespassing!

—> Eff You, Mr. Trump!!!!

COVID-19 and how to survive...(not physically, mentally!)

“A life full of enthusiasm, hope and contributions through one's own talent is a life well lived.”
Kimberly Day

Yes! This! As we are all cooped up and having to rely on technology to communicate, socialize, and stay informed, take some time to hone in on your talents. Are you using them to your full potential? Are you using them to lift up people? Do you know your talents? That’s sometimes the most difficult question.
I think we all walk around in this life knowing what we enjoy and what we want to be good at. But it’s not always what our talents are. There are many people (I hope) like me who had no idea what we were good at until later in life. I thought I was good at reading and comprehending. I thought I was good at psychology and understanding people. There was a time I thought I could be good at chemistry (definitely not in my brain capacity!)
I never knew I was good at working out, understanding how the human body works, and motivating people. But there came a point in my life when I switched over careers from counseling to fitness professional out of necessity and suddenly I was being told things like, “great workout tonight!”, “thanks for making us laugh so we didn’t realize how hard we were working!”, and “thanks to you I’ve lost 10# and look forward to working out!”.
What?! Thanks to me? But all I did was write a workout, explain how to do things, tell you that yes, you can lift those weights or stay with me b/c we can run this pace, and give high fives after it’s done! But, ok. You’re welcome! :)

There’s a saying that if you love what you do you will never work a day in your life. Well that’s not really true. I love fitness and working out. But it is still work to write workouts for classes and people and personalize things for my clients. And it’s not always my favorite part of the job. But I do love it. I love seeing people come back for more. I love having people ask for more cardio bc the 10 minute blocks I’ve been doing in class have become too easy. I love when someone says, “do you see definition in my arms? B/c I think I see a muscle coming in...” and YES, I see that bicep also! That’s the power of dedication to your body and you!

So, over the years, I have found my talents. My talent is motivating people. My talent is understanding how the human body works and using that knowledge to help my clients. I am good at what I do and I hope to keep using it to help others. With the shut down of the world, I love that I can use YouTube to create videos, email workouts to people, and be there if someone is struggling. Even if I’m just there as a voice on the other end of the phone, I will be there. I am considering making a challenge for my personal training clients. It will be virtual and on the honor system but I think it will help some stay motivated so everyone doesn’t slip back in their training. This is how I hope to use my talents at this time. When we are all isolated, I want to connect people. I want to motivate people. I want to help people stay healthy and strong.

How do you plan to use your talents?

What I missed by not being on facebook...

We are living in a world dominated by social media and electronics. And it drives me crazy! I, like many people, am guilty of checking social media much the same way we used to check our mailboxes or answering machines (millennials and younger, an answering machines was something that was attached to your land line telephone and would record a message from someone when you weren't home to answer the phone, ha!). But for some people, checking social media is much more serious than our old mailboxes. We've lost the ability to have delayed gratification. That immediate gratification when you post something and 5 people "like" it right away is so satisfying. Can you imagine waiting over a week for a letter from a loved one overseas? I remember those days.They weren't that long ago. Sometimes I miss those days. I love a comment from a friend from Ireland on a social media post, but I love a piece of paper with a note written on it that flew across the ocean just for me. Being able to hold a physical piece of paper that someone you love also held adds to the connection between the two of you. Now that I'm writing about this, I realize how much I miss things like that...

But the whole reason I decided to write about social media and electronics is b/c I have been off facbeook for nearly a week. And the weird thing is, I only miss one thing! I miss my fitness community. I was going to check it tonight but started to log on, saw I had 71 notifications, and decided I didn't want to take time to go through all of those right now! I'll do it tomorrow and that will bring me to one full week without facebook. The only other time I've gone this long was when I was on vacation. And trust me, this week has NOT been a vacation! The reason I have been off is b/c I've been so busy with work and family stuff that I haven't had time. I will have time tomorrow.

There's a part of me that is itching to know what's been going on w/ Lebert Fitness (I need to see the February leg workout that puts all the month's exercises together!). I'll be posting a video to share these exercises and put my own spin on them so watch my YouTube channel for that! I'll be so curious to see how many Atomic Betty posts I've missed. How many more runs from my friends have I missed? Are there any discount codes for races I plan to do that have been posted? How far did Jane Anne swim in the ocean this week? She did say she was going to start back in the ocean in Feb, ha! Finally, did the results of the indoor tri I did w/ my daughter get posted to facebook? I haven't seen them on the website and I'm dying to know how we did!

Yes, out of the 71+ notifications I have, I only miss a handful. This makes me feel better about my social media and electronics usage. I don't feel attached, just curious what's happening in the fitness world. If I could get this info somewhere else I probably would. I could then look at facebook as my mailbox and have more patience waiting for those "letters" from far away. Think about what you use facebook for the most. What would you miss? Would you be able to resist checking multiple times a day? I would like to encourage everyone to take a week off. Or limit your checking to two or three times a week. Build up that delayed gratification again and revel in the simple pleasures of getting "mail" from someone who you don't see every day. Let me know how it goes!

Good luck!